Trapped in the Hunt for Idols of My Heart

Man was created to worship God; we are created to display His worth. Often worship is expressed physically by bowing down and raising hands, yet these external expressions arise from the heart that values, treasures, seeks, serves, and hopes in the LORD above all things.

Sadly, as a result of the Fall, we are dead in sin and corrupted in nature — we have become idol-makers, idol-buyers, and idol-sellers.

Our idolatrous hearts

The idolatrous or, synonymously adulterous, heart of mankind is evident throughout the Scripture.

Sometimes, it's upfront apostasy.

On the way to the promised land, the people began to whore after pagans who invited them to “the sacrifices of their gods, and the people ate and bowed down to their gods.” (Num. 25:2 ESV)

Throughout the book of Judges, after Joshua had conquered the promised land and the people were now to claim the land to themselves, the people continued to do “what was evil in the sight of the Lord and served the Baals” and other gods (Judg. 2:11,17)

And sometimes, it's in the name of the LORD or in lieu of Him like when the Israelites, after coming out of Egypt and while waiting for Moses who went up to the mountain, made for themselves a golden calf and call it “gods who brought them out of the Egypt who shall go before them”. (Ex 32).

Another example would be the well-known judge of the Old Testaments, Gideon, who destroyed the altar of Baal (Judg. 6:28) and made an ephod. An ephod was to be worn by the priest who made intercession for the people (Ex 28:1-4) — to point the people to God, yet all the people “whored after” Gideon's ephod (Judg 8:27) instead of worshipping the LORD who accomplished atonement for them and restored them into fellowship with Him.

What is your heart motive?

In this Fallen world, we hurt others, get hurt by others and suffer from natural disasters. How we respond to pains and sufferings reveals the motives and the idols of our hearts.

I learned about “Heart Motives” — a biblical counseling model developed by Pastor Min Chung at Covenant Fellowship Church (Urbana, IL) at a conference. The model characterizes people into four groups: Perfect-Me, Love-me, Like-me, and Respect-Me. One of the Motives acts as our core motivation and drives our lifestyle and actions. Pastor Min himself admitted that his model is not perfect, and I found that most people fall under the “Perfect-Me” category (which is interesting because it implies that we are pretty much making ourselves "gods"). Even if the model is flawed, it introduces a very important diagnostic question to us as Christians on this side of heaven: “why do we what we do?”

Our heart motives are essentially idolatry issues. We act out and make decisions by rooting our security in career success, putting our hope in family and friends, and fearing those in power or even failure. Worshipping the wrong things lead us to walk in the path full of thorns.

I really appreciate this kind of models, and I truly believe that they are by the grace of God. However, there is one thing I found disheartening about presenting this model alone or listening to idol-searching sermons: the solution is not given. Learning about different idols, it feels like my eyes are opened to the never-ending mess in the room, then I am left by myself and no one teaches me how to clean.

Stuck in the hunt

I’m the type that thinks a lot. I probably spend too much time thinking and analyzing myself. I know and believe that I am saved by grace through faith. Yet, I want to be fruitful and I want to serve the LORD according to the duties He has given to me.

Every day in my head, I'm always drawn in these questions:

“What could have I done better to represent Christ?"

"Was I did today loving?"

"Why did I do that?"

"Where else have I placed my trust and hope in other than the LORD my God?"

"What led me to sin today?"

and many more...

Bombarding myself with these questions, I found myself in the room of my sinful heart trying to figure out where that smell is from. I spend the entire day looking for it and still couldn’t find it. At the end of the day, I find that I have wasted my time finding the problem and diagnosing myself by myself. The day started off with me trying to glorify the LORD, but it ended up being all about me, me and me. How can I be better? How can I be more holy? How can I get rid of this sin?

My self-analysis sends me spiraling downward. It brings me down and leaves me discouraged and feeling unworthy rather than bringing me into the light of Christ. This is exactly what the Enemy wants. Satan is sly, and He often deceives us with good things in order to bring one step at a time from the LORD our God.

There is hope

Don't get me wrong, identifying idols is a good diagnostic tool, but it will not do you any good if you don’t bring your burdens and turmoils to the feet of Christ. Jesus tells us with very kind and gracious words, "come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matt 11:28)

Jesus has left us with the Holy Spirit, the Helper, the Comforter who will teach us all things (John 14:26). And if we sin, He convicts us. Then, we confess, repent and remember that “we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous” (1 John 2).

Our culture focuses on successful testimonies. “I used to struggle with this sin, and the LORD has taken it away” or “I used to be filled with hatred towards my family, but now there is no more”. Praise the LORD for healing them, but that doesn’t happen to everyone, does it? Paul speaks for us the weak and weary Christians in Romans 7:18-19, “For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.”

We are regenerated yet we are still sinners living among fallen people in a fallen world where there is hurt and pain everywhere. However, let no sins, no idols, no fear, no shame separate from the love of Christ and stop us from rooting in the promise that “for those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.” (Romans 8:29–30 ESV)

One day, we will gaze upon his face as he is, with eyes that are no longer tainted by sin, praising His name with clean lips and bodies that are clothed in righteousness and enjoying the perfect fellowship with the LORD our God for eternity.

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*I wrote this post as a reflection of these two articles: "Revisiting Idols of the Heart and Vanity Fair" by David Powlison and "Gideons among Us" by Joe Holland.